#001 – This is HARD!

Come a little closer, I’m going to share a little secret about me. Sharing on social media and blogging, for me as an average bloke is hard, really hard – taking a selfie can be, *pshh*, IS physically painful [#notallmen]. I enjoy reading books – yes, even ones without pictures – on cognitive science, psychology, human development and neuroscience and read, not so long ago, that this phobia of ‘selfies’, ‘sharing’ and ’emotions’ in most men might be partly because of how we as homo sapiens evolved during our time in the wild. The theory goes something like this: women stayed behind in the villages socialising and raising children and the men went off to hunt for food or picking a fight with the neighbours, again. 😐

Women, being forced to share the same space, resources and conversation, developed amongst other things – it would seem – an aptitude for sharing, socialising and empathy. In fact, evolutionary theory suggest that we owe the growth and expansion of our large neocortex to women who had to stay back at the village developing complex abilities to cohabit with other mothers and rearing children. It would also appear that gossip – sharing information about other’s actions in the group – has played an important part in developing our moral matrices. (There you go, gossip is good for everyone, so plan your next coffee morning now!) 

Define Dad Blog Avatar Vexed

“…men developed only two emotions, anger and not anger…”

For men on the hunt or fighting the tribe around the hill, well let’s just say that things were a bit less cognitively stimulating and a lot less complex; the guy with the biggest muscle(s) and severe glower expression was the leader of the pack. It would seem, even today still in some cases, that men developed only two emotions, anger and not anger — not much to gossip about. Sharing emotions other than raw anger – or anything for that matter – may have been perceived as weakness and in a world where weakness translates to broken bones, or even death, a stoic demeanour became the go to pose for “a man” even to this day. Maybe that’s why taking selfies are so excruciatingly difficult for men(!) [#notallmen]

Well, that’s the theory at least and to be honest, it does seem to hold some water – if only anecdotally in my experience. So when life happened and forced me to become a work from home dad I was plunged into a world where I had to learn to swim, fast! I went from being a creative professional and entrepreneur to effectively a ‘stay at home dad’ – a real kick to the…ego. (To be fair it is a little more complicated than that seeing as I moved my young family to a whole new world 7000miles away, but I’ll write about that [amazing] journey on another post.) But never did I see myself, nor aspire to this position, rearing children whilst my wife skyrocketed up the ranks in her career – she’s pretty awesome.

Now, after 9 years of the birth of my first son – WAIT WHAT!? – I have decided to make myself a little more vulnerable by starting this blog and flicking open the stoic shutters to my world as a work from home dad who is literally married to a superwoman, and a father to two amazing boys trying to define what it means to be a dad.

DefineDad Avatar Awkward

“… it may get be a little awkward at times…”

So that’s my ‘why’, my reason for doing this blog. I’ve decided to put down the spear — a little more often — and join the ladies around the village fire, for a little gossip and sharing. I need to warn you, it may get be a little awkward at times and maybe even, dare I say, emotional – *gulp*. I hope to see you around here more than often and I hope it’ll give you some insight to what it looks like from the other side.

P.S. If you’re a woman reading this piece (especially you my Love) then allow me to say thank you for your patience with us and for this large neocortex, you’ve done us a real solid. Please be patient whilst we figure this thing out.

Oh, and P.P.S. Please SHARE and LIKE this post if you think it useful or mildly entertaining. 🙂Define Dad Blog Icon

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